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2003-09-01 - 8:00 p.m.

I have wandered aimlessly these past couple weeks. I have had no urge to keep track of where I've been or what I've been doing. I forced myself to abandon my documentation of my thoughts in this journal as I tried to figure out if keeping this journal is wise. I have decided that wise or not, this is my one luxury I wish to keep. I need to ramble to the unknown readers as a way to keep myself sane.

I have traveled many miles in the short span of time since I last wrote... and yet I find myself once again back in the big city that is oh so familiar to me. No matter how much I wished to stay away from New York, I was compelled to return.

I have nothing in this wild city to keep me here, and yet time after time I return. Hidden within the city I feel safer than I have felt in any other place.

Last night I was in New Jersey of all places and while there I sensed another dark soul. Instead of searching this other being out, I fled. I wish no further contact with others such as I. I shall remain alone as suits my temperament.

I dreamed today of an amazing sunrise. I do not know why this dream touched me so. It has been countless years since I lost the urge to view one more, one last sunrise. But the beauty in my dream left me wanting this forbidden view.

I grow weary of my nightly walks. I feel as if I've lost all purpose to my existence. I have not yet given up the desire to live, but I no longer recall any of the excitement I once had at strolling beneath the glorious night's sky. The stars have lost their glimmer in my eyes.

Ah, but I shall shake off this weakness eventually and once again prowl among the dark shadows. It is only a phase through which I shall pass in time. I am a survivor and with a fight I will come out on top of my silly emotions.

 

 

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